The Girl, The Cat & The Wardrobe...

The slow creaking of the door stayed the hand poised over my eyelid.

Mothers, they say, have eyes at the back of their heads.
It must be true, for I instinctively knew that neither a truant gust of wind nor a stray critter was to blame for the mysterious creaking. 

Still as a statue, I peered out of the corner of my eyes at the gaping door...And sure enough, out popped a pair of dainty white feet.
Dark gleaming eyes framed in an inquisitive little orange-white face sidled out behind the feet and widened as it met mine. And then, with an involuntary miark, a furry orange body tumbled right out of the wardrobe.

Ging!!!

For a long minute, I stared with feigned annoyance at her now brazen look, which was focused on the kohl pencil in my hand.

"Just in time...."  twinkled her sparkling eyes at me, as if she had saved me from a life altering catastrophe.

The excitement then gave way to mock puzzlement : "But mommy, why on earth would you want to maim yourself with a pencil?" 

And if that was not enough, behind the injury came her carefully delivered insults.

She let her disdainful eyes rove over my still damp form before shooting me an "ugh!!! don't tell me you intend to go out in that ugly blue towel?" look

Another insolent miark to lend weight to her opinions about my intent to self-mutilate in an unfashionable state of near undress and then, the impudent little Missy plonked herself down and proceeded to lick her paw with an air of innocence that fooled none.

With growing apprehension, I made my way to assess the damage caused by my little marauder.
And with just cause.

The innards of my wardrobe was my worst nightmare come true.....
Well, it was not as bad as having my clothes split in public, but it was a close second indeed. The neat, crisp and colour coded stack of clothes now lay in a pile of utter disarray....crushed, crumpled, and speckled with stubborn orange fur.

For once, I truly had nothing to wear.
And, I was already running late!!!

Gnashing my teeth at the fates that had placed me at the mercy of a devious feline, I grabbed the first furry dress that crossed my hands and shook it out with all my might, cussing at the little picture of feline innocence who now sat at my feet grooming herself in joyful oblivion.
The perpetrator of the crime, of course, seemed blissfully ignorant of the glares and muttered
Every once in a way. she shot a hopeful "mommy stay home?" look at me. 

It was a good 30 minutes before the dress began to look presentable.
My muttering had given way to little grunts of triumphant satisfaction as each vigorous shake took me a step closer to a picture perfect dress.

Absorbed in my efforts, I was quite blind to the subtle shift in the mood of the truant feline at my foot who, had by now realised that neither blazing hell fires nor roaring high tides was going to deter mommy from going out. Desperate times call for desperate measures and kitty wasn't above a little emotional blackmail in a last ditch effort to keep mommy home for the day.

All at once I found my hand stayed in midst of the last few hearty shakes.
And as I peered down impatiently at the insistent little paw that held the dress, I found myself looking into a contrite pair of eyes that willed me to bend over so that my nose could be enthusiastically licked by a candy pink tongue.
"Stay" pleaded her beady little eyes "We can go walky mommy...And chase squirrels...Maybe even catch and share one for lunch....Or we could huddle under the covers and snooze"
And her face, bright with hope, continued to sketch out one tempting option after another.

With a regretful sigh, I gathered the little fur bundle into my arms and nuzzled her in mute apology, before setting her down on my favourite T for a vantage view of mommy's final touches to her attire and make-up.

A few minutes later, I was all set.
Steeling my guilty heart in anticipation of being accosted by those oh-so-sad accusatory eyes, I slowly wheeled around to face my recalcitrant feline child. But, surprise of surprises, the sad eyes and the accusing face was buried within the depths of her furry self on my T...fast asleep !!!

I crept out of the house on tip-toes....a little relieved.. a little disappointed...And immensely grateful to the powers above for their kind intervention in what could have otherwise been a sticky situation.

Indeed, all's well that ends well.

The Cats Under My Bed

I haven't slept too well last night.
For the past several nights in fact!!
There were cats under my bed, you see.
And they came to life just as I was about to cross the last stile and drift off into the land of nod.
My woes find shape in the form of Don C, Ging's erstwhile love interest, who creeps into our lair as soon as the lights are out.
For those not in the know, Don C is a bandit..Not the Antonio 'Desperado' Banderas types, but the mean,greedy Ugly types...of Good, Bad & Ugly fame. This, people, is not the ranting of an over-protective cat mommy incensed by the local Romeo's courtship of her feline child. Don C is indeed an unsavoury kibble-digger,without a single scrupulous bone in his furry body....A typical rogue lover who weasels his way into the heart of a demure maiden with both eyes trained on her food bowl!! And even though the scales had dropped from Ging's eyes long back, she lacked the gumption to send the bounder packing, when he slunk in to crunch down her meal in the anonymity of darkness.Which is why the events of last night came as a rude shock to me.
I was well settled under my covers and about to hop, skip & jump past the last level of consciousness into blissful sleep, when a tremulous "hssppssst" rudely broke my run.
As I struggled to wakefulness, another hssppssst -this time stronger and fiercer- cut through the silence. My first panicked thoughts were about the wicked snake-beastie. And then reason raised its cold antiseptic head.
Ging!!!
I frantically poked about the bed with my foot, trying to locate my cowering kitty...But came up with naught.Yet another violent 'hhhhsssst' rent the air. And a moment later, a semi-hesitant deep throated miaow permeated the air.
Panicked by visions of kitty being pounded to pulp by the neighbourhood mafioso, I peered blearily under the bed. Two startled pairs of fiery yellow eyes glared back at me.
Don C and, surprise of surprises, a bristling Ging.
Kitty probably wanted to show-off her new found bravado, because, much to my shock, Ging fluffed herself out like a feline yeti, sprung out her talons and emitted the most blood-curling shriek I have ever heard in my whole entire life.
I froze.
Don C backed gingerly, almost into my face, and scampered out of the room before I found my voice.
As for Ging....well, she nonchalantly licked herself a couple of times, before shooting a triumphant "didn't I kicked a***??" look at me.
Sighing deeply, I huddled back under my covers.
One small hssst for mankind...A sonic boom in Moggie Land.
:) :)

Mommy Fetch!

Yet another rainy day in Chennai city.
I had spent the greater part of my day flipping through NDTV & CNN-IBN and devising new methods of torture for the terrorists in Mumbai. Across the table, Ging napped on my favourite chair.
A wet little mouse screwed his courage to the sticking point and ventured inside timidly, seeking shelter from the pelting rain....straight into the path of two startled moggies.
I glanced at Ging in excitement, half expecting her to pounce on the mouse and mince it to mush.
But instead, a pair of of luminous grey eyes glowed back, flashing an urgent message at me
"Mouse, mommy....GO FETCH..."

@#$@*^&$!!!!

Here Comes The Cat Girl...

" Ah,here comes the cat girl" chirped the lady at the local dry-cleaners,as she spied me hauling my load of washing up the street. Her breezy introduction was obviously not meant for my ears. But as there isn't much that a kitty ear misses, I was forewarned of an audience within and therefore, forearmed.
It wasn't that I was offended by her description. How could I be, considering that the moggies did not know the name of the lady in question and in private, referred to her as Doggy Auntie or Auntie D on account of the legion of street dogs who walked her home after work each day. However, what I was beginning to take exception to was  Auntie D's habit of introducing me as the cat girl to all and sundry. And even worse, her revelations to the world at large about the on-going power struggle between Ging and me.
For a moment, I stood uncertainly on the street with the sun beating down on my bare head as I contemplated scampering back home. But the sight of Auntie's beaming face at the window and the fact that the shop never seems to be empty decided the case for me. Girding my loins, I whipped on my sunniest smile and sailed forth to face the inevitable...
" Ah, there you are..I saw you coming and was just telling my friends about your cat....And..."
*Yes Auntie D, I know...the wind carries voices you know...* " ...And how she sleeps on your bed and sheds her hair all over the covers and sheets..."
" Oh, sho schweet"
I couldn't blame the roly poly listener for gushing. I would have if I didn't know any better. Auntie D's description evoked visions of Ging in baby pink with a floral coronet encircling her ears, floating down the aisle scattering rose petals instead of cat hair!!! But all visions of Ging went up in a smoke when Auntie D opened my laundry bag with a flourish.
" See, See....." She was brandishing my pillow case at her captive audience " You can find her cat's hair even on the pillow covers....Just imagine that little mite curling up on a pillow" *Yeah right, like Cleopatra's kitty on her red velvet cushion!!!* "So cute no?"
Maybe, it would help if I tried to look rushed and anxious to leave. And so I busied myself in savagely pulling out the rest of the clothes from the bag. Big Mistake!!! Because out came my skinny blue jeans, a light shawl, a sweater and finally, my best black party jeans...All covered in orange cat hair.... Damn!!!
" Oh look at that.....Are these all your clothes?" * Blank stare at Auntie D*
*Does the lady really think Dsk would fit into them???*
" Is your cat sleeping on your clothes now?...awwwww.....She must love you very much"
* Raised Eyebrows* *Did Attila the Hun ever love anyone?* Auntie D's beady black eyes are now dancing wickedly. My sixth sense tells me that she has scented blood...And the hunt is on!!!
" You mean, she looks for your jeans and sleeps on them?"
* my jeans, my saris, my night shirts & lingerie, my books, CDs and my travel bags......anything which has the Mommy fragrance on it*
" Err, yeah...Ging is kind of partial to my things.."
" It must be your smell that she wants around her all the time...Even though people say that cats are independent, they are also very very loving...Your cat must love you so much"
* blank stare again* * Too many blank stares....She must think I am a retard..I need to say something -anything- to redeem myself before the audience.*
" If it is the smell, why on earth would she burrow into the freshly laundered clothes in my cupboard, which by the way, only reeks of Tide despite the Dior soaked cotton balls around them?..The only thing that emerges from the cupboard smelling like expensive designer perfume is Ging"
Again, Big Mistake. * I should have kept my mouth shut instead of blurting out the first thing that came to my mind*
Auntie D and her friends are now guffawing loudly, much to my chagrin.
" Your cat has expensive tastes...." More laughter.
" Maybe she is trying to imitate you...you know like how little girls try to dress up in their mother's heels and pearls..."
" Imitate me? Auntie, I think that is the last thing on Ging's mind...Forget sleeping on my clothes and stealing the Dior fragrance away from my dresses." Unable to restrain myself, I went on much like Jim Carrey in Liar Liar sans the facial contortions "She shadow boxes my scrunchies, uses my spectacles as her chew toys and treats my flip flops as hockey pucks....She claws my bags, chews my make up brushes and even pokes her spotty nose into my plate at meal times..Nothing of mine, I repeat, nothing, is sacrosanct as far as Ging is concerned!!!"
The Ging Fan Assoc had almost collapsed, weak and helpless with paroxysms of laughter. I have to bite my runaway tongue to stop and not a moment too soon...Anymore words and I would have been officially demoted from the Cat Girl to the Crazy Cat Girl.
Gathering the shreds of my feline dignity, I muttered a hasty good bye and departed without a backward glance at the convulsed ladies on the floor.
Sometimes, it is a dog's life for the poor Alpha Cat. *sigh*

Kitty Interrupted!

" Where's Ging?"
"Must be sleeping on my favourite rug.... on the porch!!!" * distracted frown as I search for pans to clatter*
" Yes, you are right...She is snoozing on your rug!!!...If she wants to sleep, why did she even get out of bed this morning"
" Oh, she came downstairs with me to let in the maid....Did a quick run of the front yard to make sure the boats had not vanished in the dead of the night....She even did a tyre count!!!...Snuck around to the back yard to check if any of the trees had disappeared overnight...meditated in front of the heap of leaves in the corner....checked on me as I mixed the dosa batter in the kitchen and finally, went off to snooze" *Pheeeeeewwww.....* The boats, by the way, refer to our cars which are strategically parked on either side of the gate so as to curtail robber entry or exit. ...One of the moggie strategies to secure the house.
" Sometimes I wish I could get inside her head and see what goes on in there"
* blank stare* " Now, why would you want to do that?...I mean she sleeps, eats,hangs out with us, goes for walks and sleeps some more...Isn't it rather clear what her priorities in life are??....food and us..Not necessarily in that order....And besides, you should think about getting through your morning ablutions and getting your backside to my breakfast table"
But, Dsk seemed to be bewitched by the sight of the irresistibly cute kitty, who from her masticating jaws, appeared to be dreaming of a romp in a Giant Whiskas Tub. Did I ever mention that the only thing Ging eats is Whiskas kibble??? no milk, no fish, no chicken...Just Whiskas!!! What a cat!!!
" Well, she is such an intelligent cat..she understands everything we tell her and she communicates well with us...So I wonder what she thinks of when she is sleeping..I mean it can't be that someone can be brain dead for most part of the day and super intelligent the remainder of the time...do you think that she thinks about us in her sleep as well?"" hmmmm....yeah, maybe......." But before I can voice my opinion on the convoluted workings of Ging's mind, I am rudely cut short by an unholy screech.
Ging!!!
And into the kitchen strode Dsk with a truculent Ging in his arms. Obviously, he hadn't been able to resist kitty's charms and had, much to her dismay, had scooped her into his arms. But our Ging has a mind of her own and never takes kindly to being picked up for a cuddle on our terms. Especially not when she is zzzzing. So, there we were in the kitchen - me watching the battle between my underlings while my pan merrily smoked away, a struggling wild cat a.k.a Ging who was hollering her displeasure for the whole world to hear and a determined Dsk, who was rather clumsily trying to hold on to Ging.
Ging, of course, won the skirmish and nonchalantly strolled over to the sofa to resume her nap, leaving a disgruntled parent behind.
" See, this is another thing I do not understand about her..She likes to be with us and never wanders away from the house but she just won't allow us to pick her or carry her...why is that? None of our other cats ever behaved this way??"
I was quick to soothe Dsk's ruffled feathers " Well, it depends...maybe she had a traumatic kitten hood and finds it difficult to trust us humans..."
But my voice trailed of as Dsk trains a disbelieving look on me " What are you saying???...That she may have issues with intimacy? I thought that was a psychological reaction exhibited by humans traumatised by abusive relationships??"
" Yeah, so what makes a cat very different?? If she is intelligent enough to understand and communicate with us, why should her psyche not bear emotional scars from the past? I mean"
* misshapen eyebrows knit into the most alarming frown ever*
" Well, I don't know....I mean, she has no issues demanding things from us or bullying us or any such thing...So why only react when we pick her up???...This is why I say she is just like you!!!...Temperamental & Possessive of her space " And with that parting shot, the normally placid gamma moggie marches out of the kitchen in a huff....
*deep sigh again*
I should have quit while I was ahead, which was approximately about the time when I was pre-occupied with mashing the lumps in my dosa batter rather than leap into an argument about kitty psychology!!!
I must have been a tube light in my last birth.....Because going by the frequency with which my rather large size 9 foot ends up in my mouth, it would seem that my self preservation instincts always kicks in a tad too late ....
Seriously, where are my guardian angels when I need them??....On an extended tea break???.............Is anyone up there even listening???

The Choco-Banana Kickass Ice Cream

India's 62nd Independence Day dawned nice and bright in the moggie household.
Well, I am not entirely sure if I should use the word 'dawned' because it was well past lunch time when the three moggies bestirred themselves from their warm bed. In our defence, it was one of those rare days when the three of us were at home with nothing much to do other than entertain each other and since we had no particular plans for the day, catching up on sleep obviously took precedence over everything else.
I guess most others, in their senses, would have hit the beach or the mall for the day but hey, we are just 3 unambitious little crabs who are quite content with food, drink, our home and hearth...and of course, moolah in the bank.
* Big broad grin*
The three of us eventually woke up and as we were lazily stretching ourselves, we decided to stop mourning the lacks in this country we call home and get into the spirit of things. Over Cinnamon french toast and steaming mugs of coffee, we debated plans for the day.
" I wonder why they ran Jodha Akbar in the morning!!!...We could have watched it if it was telecast in the afternoon..All the movie theaters will be running full, so there is no point trying for any movie...Do you want to go the the mall?"
Dsk is not exactly the epitome of enthusiasm. An evening at the mall tailing his shopaholic wife is not exactly his idea of a celebration but then, the jam packed theaters and auditoriums leave us with very few options. Ging, who is lounging about on the sofa, faking sleep, twitches her tail to indicate her displeasure.
" Well, I don't have much shopping to do....And I really want to cook because I am tired of all the eating out I have been doing these past few weeks"
The two moggies perk up a wee bit, as Dsk plaintively adds " Even I don't want to eat out.......I haven't had a decent meal in such a long time....Its been ages and ages since I ate rice and your delicious curries"
The way to a woman's heart is indeed through her spices and saucepans as the wily Dsk knows all too well.
" Hmmm...maybe we can eat dinner early and go out for a drive...actually I feel like making something nice...let me fry some nethili (anchovy, I think) for dinner and perhaps make some parippu (lentils) to go with the rice"
The sheer joy on my martian moggy's face is a sight to behold.
As I get about clattering my pots and pans, Dsk's cell rings...Its mommy dearest commandeering his services to go refrigerator shopping. Driven by my greed, I am now up to my ears in dinner preparations and send Dsk off to fulfil his filial obligations.
In no time, the parippu, rice and nethilis are taken care of...And kitty and I are back on the couch, T.V guide in hand to check for interesting programmes to watch. There is nothing the two of us can agree on and since Ging stubbornly refuses to allow me to watch what I want, I have to rack my brains for an alternative.
" Let's make ice cream" I purr to Ging , who has absolutely no clue as to what ice cream is, but signals her willingness to try something new.
We race over to the fridge to check for ingredients, only to discover that most of our carb and fat rich food ended up in the trash can long long back....When the house was declared as a Low Fat Zone!!!...
But did that deter us? Oh no, it didn't!!!
Out came the low fat milk...and a few mini bars of toblerone... and some reaaaalllllly awful chocolate my husband's brother gave us over a year ago. Don't ask me why the awful chocolate didn't find its way in the trash can. If I remember correctly, our traumatised taste buds demanded that the offending chocolate be put out of sight immediately and so it got stashed it away at the back of the refrigerator. Anyway, I was hoping that the toblerone and the milk would redeem it now because we seemed to have nothing else to add to our ice cream. Or so I thought, but as I melted the chocolate in the milk in a hot water bath, my eyes fell on a bunch of overripe bananas and decided to blend them with the chocolate milk mixture!.
" Now, what goes in?' I ask my moggy assistant, who's eyes are gleaming in unholy glee. Talk about qualitative bonding!!!
We hit the fridge again and this time, Ging flicks the Amarula bottle with her tail. Hmmmm...Amarula with chocolate and bananas? If it had been Bailey's or Kelley's, I wouldn't have thought twice about it.... Amarula, I am not so sure about. But Ging is rather insistent and nose butts me into submission. And in goes a generous dose of Amarula.
By now Ging is on a roll...She heads for our liquor box and comes up with a bottle of Ballantyne's whiskey. I think she wanted Rum but had to settle for whiskey instead but hey, I wasn't complaining and so, in went a splash of rather fine whiskey. And that was the end of my assistant's inputs. The liquor fumes must have got to Ging because kitty now staggered to the sofa and collapsed into a limp form. I add a dash of cinnamon to the mixture and blend it one last time before putting it in to freeze.
Even with the freezer set at the coldest, we need to wait a couple of hours to see if our ice cream even sets!!! I cross my fingers and say a little prayer to the Kitchen Gods above, because I hadn't the faintest idea as to how our creation would turn out. Ging is obviously a lot more confident. She plonks herself on my lap and licks me comfortingly
" Not to worry mommy. If it sets, we'll call it ice cream. If its wobbly, then it's going to be a souffle...And if it is God awful unpalatable, we will blame it on the horrid chocolate"
*kitty winks* Now that is what I call moggie sense!!!
A few hours later, sporting an expression of absolute contentment after his scrumptious dinner, Dsk dug his spoon into the choco-banana-liquor ice cream under our watchful eyes..Yes, ice cream it was because the concoction set pretty well indeed!!!..And we needed no words of praise..The ecstatic look on his face said it all.....SIMBLY KICK-ASS!!!

Love's Labour Lost

I was right!!!
Don C has proven to be a bounder and a rogue to boot. I am absolutely delighted at having been proved right and I haven't been able to restrain myself from crowing over the hapless Ging since this morning. To my credit, I haven't as yet traipsed about performing my incredibly annoying victory dance!!!
I had been so engrossed in mollifying Ging over the past couple of days, that my otherwise sharp E.S.P had not had much of a chance to pick up the changed vibes around the moggie household. True to form, Ging and DSK seem to have sworn a feline oath of silence to keep me in the dark. But Don C who was not privy to the moggie oath, proved to be the weak link in their deception.
This morning as I was clattering about clumsily in the kitchen while Ging went about her daily morning patrolling of our back yard, Don C put in an appearance. Instead of settling himself on the back-yard wall as was his practice, he bristled at poor Ging and, before I could train the dirtiest of my glares at him, lunged at her. Not in a fit of passion as I first imagined. But in sheer aggression. And much to my surprise, Ging turned tail and ran in for cover.
Perhaps if Don C had not sighted me emerging from the kitchen, brandishing my ladle with obvious intent of smacking his rump, I would have been able to catch the final outcome of this rather surprising chase. But see me he did. And that was reason enough for him to rethink. And retreat.
I found Ging cowering behind my french crystal, trying to put a brave face on things. But the cat was out of the bag & love's labour lost!!!! *tsk* *tsk*

A Chip Of The Moggie Block

DSK maintains that Ging and I are two of a kind - stubborn, independent, way too sensitive for our good, demanding, temperamental, possessive of our space, childlike at times, blah, blah.... and more blah. *sigh*
Like most doting fathers, he tends to lay all her faults at my doorstep while hogging credit for her virtues. *Raises eyebrows*
I can argue my case till I am blue in the face but he just doesn't buy my theory that Ging is a rather potent cocktail of genes, inherited from my mother and mother-in-law.
But if I were to be absolutely honest, I would have to concede that there are some traits that kitty and I have in common. We are both very strong felines.... Intensely loyal, incredibly loving and generous to a fault...We can't bear being dirty or un-groomed and frown most fiercely on Body Odour & Bad Breath....Most of the time, we know what we want and go right after it...And, we rarely give up....We kick loads of butt... And run for cover when the tide turns against us..We both are, also, hurt easily and take time to forgive!!! This last quality I discovered just last night, when I got home after a 3 week stint in Bangalore.
After a heady day at work where we popped champagne in celebration of a great moment at work, I flew back to Chennai and reached home after a pig out at my favourite Mallu restaurant.
Note: Yes, I finally got to eat my favourite fiery fish curry!!! * Big toothy grin*
As I alighted from the car still smacking my lips, I was stopped in my tracks by the sight of a little fury glowering at me from her post. Her eyes flashed fire...And wrath was writ all over her stony face and ramrod straight body!! Even the sight of her favourite parent after 12 hrs of seperation failed to soften her. Without as much as acknowledging my presence, she stomped off indoors and despite all my plaintive pleading and cajoling, she spent the night on the couch .
Perhaps, the morning would bring on a thaw. But as the cock crowed, the kitty remained relentless and continued to dole out loads more of the cold treatment. And if I thought the sight of DSK trotting off with his overnight case, leaving her all alone with me, would crack that icy facade or melt the little heart of steel, I had a second thought coming my way. Ging, obviously, meant business!!
I never realised that making-up could be such a pain. And for once, I sympathised with those who had borne the brunt of my ire in the past - deserved or undeserved.
Dismayed, I whined to DSK all the way to the airport. And long after.
But all my cribs sailed right over the rather busy gamma moggie's head, which clearly meant that it was time to roll up my sleeves and take Ging head on.
So, after some more apologising which ricocheted off her iron resolve, I pointed out to Ging that it was just her and me all by ourselves for the next couple of days....That she now had a choice between self imposed loneliness which could be rather cold or the fun times with mommie with lovies, hugs and cuddles galore.
And then, in the face of continued kitty resistance, I decided to hit the sack and let her stew.
It would seem that Ging did some serious thinking....And decided to cut her losses before she lost control of the situation. Because as I wandered happily in the land of nod, I suddenly sensed little kitty paws pattering on me and kneading the flesh on my back. I opened one eye to find the feline brat astride me, staring down at my supine form assessing which body part of mine would be ideal for a cozy snooze.
For once, I didn't protest.
Did I mention that Ging also takes after me as far as natural intelligence went????

Reversal of Fortunes!!!

" Do you think you can come home this weekend? If I leave for Rome on Thursday morning, Ging will be alone till one of us comes back....I will keep her bowls of Whiskas out but she will be alone...Pavam poochi " Dsk's voice trails into a mournful silence as he hopefully awaits the big yes from me.

With 101 things at work screaming for my urgent attention, I would have probably mumbled an distracted affirmative if it wasn't for Ging's very vocal protests in the back ground.
Obviously, she was devastated at dad dearest's impending departure.
And her incessant plaintive yowls and wails about poor Ging being abandoned and left to starve by her cold hearted family had the desired effect on the beta moggie's guilt prone conscience.
*Serves kitty right for picking daddy over mommy!!!* I think to myself with smugness writ all over my face ....Mean, I know but I couldn't resist that one.
" well OK..I guess I can get back on Saturday evening..its been almost 2 weeks anyway"
" Saturday afternoon? "
* Is he kidding me???*
" No, night or maybe even Sunday morning...I am not too sure..."
" SUNDAY!!!"
*Kitty wails reach a new crescendo in the back ground as DSK's voice rises several decibels and is hastily lowered to avoid irking Alpha *
" Oh, ok...Saturday then...." And then it is my turn to whinge " I don't even know why I am coming back. Ging really gives me a hard time when you are not there...She turns ultra aggresive , barely lets me sleep and is a gazillion times worse than a live-in mother-in-law" From the corner of my eye, I see my colleague backing out of the room as I knit my sparse brows together and stick out my thick lower lip, wearing my trademark expression of absolute petulance.
" It's ok....You just keep out of her way and make sure she has enough to eat...If she wants to be friendly she will come to you"

She will come to me???
*^#*~^*^*
...Now that really got my goat!!!...I had to wind up my work and lug myself back home just to babysit Ging and Gamma moggie has the cheek to tell me that if Ging wants to be friendly, she will come to me!!!

So, I wasn't in the best of moods when I flew back to Chennai last weekend but my anger ebbed in the wake of the rousing reception Ging gave me. But it seemed as if daddy's heartless departure was a reality check of sorts which brought on a reassessment of priorities for Ging. For starters, I was given an over warm welcome by the kitty. And then when I was laid low by a nasty bout of food poisoning Ging, unlike her usual demanding self, transformed into a darling cuddle bunny making sure that I was shepherded back into bed no sooner than I had gotten out of it.

Now, mind you, unlike her predecessors, Ging didn't serve mauled mice or decapitated squirrels in bed for strength and nourishment. Nor did she let up on her feeds. But on the whole, she was less brattish and demanding. And the week went by without any untoward incident and surprisingly, with much amity between Ging and me.

Even so, I was expecting Ging to revert back to type the minute she sighted Dsk at the gates. And it came as a bit of a shock when Ging turned her back on Dsk on Wednesday night, refusing to look him in the face or even join him in burrowing into his bags in search of treasures from foreign lands.

The shock gave way to unholy delight when I noted the rather determined expression on her face as she set about to ingratiate herself with me. All of Dsk's pleas were in vain because Ging just refused to budge from her stance or even glance at Dsk's peace offerings. And to rub salt on raw wounds, she made a great big show of examining my effects, even submitting to a test brush with my brand new 'Made in Europe' brow brush.
Ok, so that test brush was no concession from her because she enjoyed it thoroughly but bad cat daddy, being consigned to the corner, wasn't allowed to participate.

As of this morning, Gamma moggie was still begging for forgiveness from Ging and offering to soothe down her ruffled fur with my brow brushes - an offer which kitty has turned down with barely concealed disdain and oodles of lovies for mommy.
*Wicked toothy grin*
Am so lovin it!!!

Moments of Magic

There is something so incredibly magical about watching the rain come down in torrents from the dark cloudy skies that echo with the sounds of thunder. Every now and then, silver-white-blue streaks of lighting snake across the darkness and break my reverie. Perhaps, it was on one such dark evening that a wise man, drunk on the beauty of the elements, came up with the adage about the silver lining in the dark cloud. I sit snug in my favourite chair on the porch with a cup 0f steaming hot masala chai and my cuddle bunny, Ging, in my lap. She hates the lightening, the water which drums on the grill and gently splatters us every now and then , and she absolutely abhors the roll of thunder. I am quite sure Ging would have been cowering in some dark nook of the house, probably under our bed, it had not been for my dogged determination to watch the heavens above go about their task of washing the world around me. Her sacrifice overwhelms me and my heart wells up with an indescribable sensation of love for my little kitty.
I am so glad that she is with me because in that moment in time, she completes my picture...Reinforcing my belief that sometimes in life, the forces around you conspire to add that magic master stroke on to your canvas to transform a special moment of contentment into one of pure unadulterated bliss.

Snake Skin Kitty!!!

5 a.m & I am rudely jolted into wakefulness by yet another nightmare with the wicked snake beastie in it. And as usual, I lie in the dark with my heart racing at the speed of light, wrestling with the eternal question that besets me in the wake of this nightmare- Could there be a snake beastie under my bed waiting to pounce on me as soon as I set my feet to the ground?
It takes me quite a while to calm down and just as I am drifting off to sleep again, I am once again jolted back to wakefulness by searing hot ribbons of pains that course through my feet. And then I sense my feet, now in the vice grip of razor sharp pincers, being dragged slowly but steadily across the bed. As surreal as this experience is, the unbearable pain mitigates any fond hope I may have of this being another bad dream!!!..This is for real...my moment of reckoning with the snake beastie...my face off with my nemesis...
Steeling my quaking nerves and calling upon all the Gods in heaven, I sit up ramrod straight to confront my nemesis. And I am met by a pair of luminous kitty eyes glinting evily at me. Ging!!!
I haven't the faintest idea as to where she was trying to drag me off to by my feet at that unearthly hour but the experience was all that I needed to eat my words about missing the good old Ging. I guess I spoke too soon. And I should have figured that the aliens would never ever keep her, even if it signified the end of their research of active life forms on planet earth. The peace was good while it lasted and I am glad I made the most of it because it is going to be a snowy day in Chennai before the aliens come visiting again!!!

Madame Royale

The kitty is on a mission to secure a tiara for herself!! And no, this ostensibly is not one of her ploys to dethrone me. Unsettled by the moggie skirmishes of the past week and by POPS & PIL's bold, noisy efforts to monopolise me, Ging decided to gird her loins and give the Fathers' a run for their money in vying for my attentions.
The past few days have seen Ging faithfully follow me everywhere with scant respect for privacy, rather like Mary's little lamb. In fact, if I had not closed the bathroom door firmly on her rather surprised face and plaintive mews, she would have cheerfully marched in to keep me company as I performed my daily ablutions!! Seriously, how on earth did Mary survive the devotion of her lamb?? * rolls eyes* *deep sigh*
To assuage Ging's need for some intense female moggie bonding, we decided to curl together on the couch [yes, in the sweltering Chennai heat!!!] and for the want of anything better to do, read up on cats through the ages.
Our choice of reading material stemmed from Ging's discovery of my Maneki Neko - the Japanese Beckoning Cat. The very idea of a Lucky Cat must have appealed greatly to Kitty's vanity because she kept sniffing at Neko, occasionally shooting baleful glances at me which screamed " why black when you could have picked an orange tabby Neko??". Just so that she wouldn't conveniently pass off Neko as a memento in her honour, I decided to enlighten her about the legends of the famous lucky cat.
The kitty was hooked and thirsting for more stories about her ilk!!! From Japan and the legend of the Maneki Neko, we travelled to modern day China where much to our horror and disgust, we discovered that cat meat is a delicacy. Yeouwww!! It of course goes without saying that this discovery immediately escalated China to the top of the moggie household's hate list - its economic progress and growth be damned!!! Our moods grew darker as we unearthed some bizarre medieval myths about cats killing infants by sucking away their breath. To wipe away the shadows, we went back in time to ancient Egypt where cats, as we all know, were deemed sacred. And that was as far as we got. Perhaps Ging wanted to end the facts gathering mission on a positive note or perhaps, she was already picturing herself as a blue blooded royal receiving homage from the lesser moggies.
For, while we were in Egypt, little miss Ging put forth an impassioned plea for her own little tiara and boy, were her arguments convincing. She pointed out that ever since she adopted us 7 months ago, our roller coaster life took an uphill turn - both DSK and I did wonderfully at work, managed to get some minor irritants from his family out of our hair for good, mended a few broken relationships and were generally at peace with the world around us. And this followed a year which was not too great either professionally nor personally. What did she ask for in return? A wee little tiara in paste!!!....
Hmmm...Its kind of hard to say no when Ging turns all misty eyed and wears her sad lost waif expression. And I capitulate, just as she knows I will. But not in the way she expected.
" Tell you what Ging, let's start you out as the princess royal of the household and if you behave as it befits a princess, we shall see about the tiara"
A title with a tiara in the offing....This is better than what she had hoped for. Ging can barely conceal the look of smug satisfaction creeping across her face. And neither can I. A few carefully whispered words to the Fathers' is all it will take to derail Ging's grandiose ambitions..With Madame Royale struggling to maintain a regal demeanour in the face of extreme provocation, the moggie household sure is in for some fun times!!!
*smug grin* Isn't mommy terrible???

Peek-A-Boo

Sunday, 6 a.m.
My eyes lazily flutter as the first rays of the sun filter into our bedroom... Its a new day & the voices in my head resume their verbal duelling all over again.. .
* wakey wakey lazy bumm...u need to get breakfast going...remember?*
That's the voice of my conscience, ever ready to dole out unwanted advice and prod me into action. But my baser instincts rebel...
* Nooo...DSK can fix himself a bowl of cereal for once...God knows he has enough packs of those lying around*
* What? That's not fair..just becos he doesn't complain does not mean that you can take him for granted...Wake Up...He's going to be up in a bit...So, get cracking...Make him something nice to eat..husbands like it when their wives fix them good breakfasts and see them off to work*
Ok, now why does my conscience's voice sound suspiciously like my mother??
I struggle to open my eyes and make a feeble, half-hearted attempt to shake away the dense fog that has encased my brains. But, realisation strikes in the nick of time! Its Sunday - the day of rest!!!...Yippppeee...Dsk can afford to wait a bit for his breakfast today...And with that, the voice of conscience is gagged and muffled as I snuggle back under my warm blankets to snooze some more.
Just as I am drifting off into the land of nod, I hear a loud scary thump and an even scarier mmmiaorrrwww which set my heart racing at a frenetic pace..as if a dozen tribal drums were simultaneously being thumped at super sonic speed. I open my eyes in trepidation, half expecting to find the evil snake-beastie from my nightmares, hovering over my jugular with its poisonous fangs bared. And who do I see there instead? The heathen kitty Ging, her great black eyes twinkling with un-repressed mirth and sporting a goofy grin..Her face is a study in unholy glee....She can barely stand still with the excitement of having scared the living daylights out of me!!!
My supposedly expressive face must have betrayed my intentions. Because as I struggled to get over the shock and compose my thoughts [just so I could give her a very large piece of my mind], Ging went into damage control mode. Arranging her face into her irresistibly adorable " Oh, the cute canary can safely tango in my mouth' expression which is a sure fire way of containing my ire. She then frantically starts licking me all over, her beady eyes darting all over my supine form in search of bare 'lickable' skin. The grooming which lasted for all of 5 minutes came to an end when she quickly dove between my feet and huddled down with firmly shut eyes, leaving me quite bereft of words.
As much as I hate to admit it, I was outwitted. There was nothing much I could do other than laugh at Ging's antics and go back to sleep. As I snuggled in enjoying the warmth of the rumbling bundle on my feet, the cheeky voice in my head chirps " You should have listened to me..oh well, sometimes its fun to be to be taken for a moggie ride, isn't it?"
Yes indeed, it is...

The Empire Strikes Back!!!

Hell hath no fury like a Mommy angered!!! ...
...Was what Ging discovered late last night when she launched her nocturnal offensive.

Unfortunately for her, the onslaught proved to be a mere flash in the pan as a well primed mommy struck back with unimagined ferociousness. The ensuing skirmish which pitted kitty claws and teeth against human talons, fangs and almost 100 kgs of solid lard, ended with kitty getting her butt whipped to kingdom come.

Efforts to garner support from the gamma moggie a.k.a DSK proved to be futile as daddy, having indulged in one too many cocktails at an office do, was in a 'make love, not war' mood. Despite the best of Ging's wheedling and coaxing, DSK just refused to rise to the occasion with his ' tut tut let the poor kitty be' slogans, leaving Madam Ging with no alternative but to retreat into kitty sulks under our bed for the rest of the night.

It would seem that her night of solitude was well spent in deliberation because at day break, the truculent rebel emerged hopefully with her terms of peace which was promptly consigned to the garbage by a mommy drunk on power.


Wooohoooo!!!
Game, Set & Match to Mommy!!!

Catattack !!!

The battle is on again and this time, Ging has devised a strategy that is nothing short of brilliant. With the element of surprise on her side, there is a strong possibility that she just might succeed in ousting me from my throne and wresting control of the moggie household. Not a very comforting thought that... And it is one that has me quivering in my shoes.

Why you may ask, with an indulgent smile at the kitty?

Well, its no secret that Ging entertains fond hopes of graduating from Beta to Alpha position in our moggie household. And despite the many clamp downs she has suffered, hope springs eternal in the feline breast. So some weeks back when she took to joining DSK in the reading of Canfield's ' How To Get From Where You Are To Where You Want To Be" , i took no notice of her new pastime, lightly dismissing it as kitty's need to bond with daddy dearest. What I didn't bank upon was the convoluted workings of the feline mind which slowly but steadily combined her newly acquired knowledge with memories of Jane Fonda's histrionics in Monster In-Law to derive a wicked in-law strategy of her own.

Capitalising on the absence of a resident parent-in-law, Ging decided to step in and give me a dose of the fabled villainous mother-in-law treatment. Within days, all my favoured spots and possessions began to bear marks of Ging's assault- my favorite chair, the fluorescent green ' John Beer' T that I sleep in, my lavender scented blanket, the cupboards with my prized books, my spectacles, hair bands, my multi coloured pencil and even, my side of the bed!!! All at once, nothing was sacrosanct anymore. Anything and everything which vaguely smelt like Mommy was claimed as the spoils of war and mauled to utter uselessness. Attributing the rash of " kitty accidents" to the soaring temperature, I blithely went about with my life, little realising what lay in store for me.

Unsatisfied with the results of her guerrilla warfare, Ging decided to screw her courage to the sticking place and mount attack on mommy herself. All at once, I found kitty underfoot all the time - nagging or protesting in shrill mews, hissing and growling in displeasure or simply staring me down into submission. Her favourite past time was to don a sphinx like expression and gaze unblinkingly into my eyes for several long minutes - a very unsettling experience I assure you. In all probability, Ging figured that she could avoid a bloody coup d'etat by hypnotising me into relinquishing power, but unfortunately, it turned out that kitty had overestimated her powers of non verbal communication. Not that it deterred our little feline monster who now went into overdrive in true monster-in-law style and declared open war.

Realising that depriving me of sleep is a sure fire way of psyching me into defeat, Ging has devoted the past two nights to keeping me awake at all costs. Our tussle commences at midnight with both of us squabbling for bed covers, pillows, space and above all, DSK. DSK was charmed but I was beginning to loose it. Because every time, I thought I had beaten her down, the ever resourceful kitty would bounce back with a fresh tactic packaged as a game - ' Pin Mommy's Toes under the Blanket', 'Sharpen Claws on Mommy's Butt' ' Nip the Wobbling Fat on Mommy's Back', ' Paw Mommy's Hair off her Face', 'Scratch Dead Cells off Mommy's Feet' ..the diabolic cat kept slinging it at me all night long. And the icing on the cake? At about 4:30 am last night, I sought refuge beside DSK's ample form believing that daddy in the middle would force Ging to sheath her claws and clamp her teeth. But, the indomitable spirit was not to be thwarted and was soon snaking her way gently over his feet to dig her razor sharp claws into any which part of my anatomy she could seize!!!.

Now, if that didn't drive the message home, then nothing on earth would. So, right now I am licking my wounds and even as I write this piece, I am thinking hard of a counter offensive to foil kitty's attack tonight. Support will not be forthcoming as DSk still thinks Ging's savagery in bed is cute. But, as all wise men stuck in an oestrogen cross fire, he refrains from taking sides especially after taking in my blood shot eyes and rather ferocious glare this morning.* deep sigh*

I think I'll clean out the old kennel now...Because when I am done whipping Ms. Ging's butt tonight, she's going to be in the dog house for a while!!!

Devi-Das

Ging has been rather under weather today. Why? Well, for starters the two other moggies were out late Saturday night, leaving her alone at home to hold fort. And to make matters worse, early this morning, DSK left for coimbatore with, horror of horrors, a packed bag. This to our little kitty only means one thing: Dad's not going to be home for a few days, a major catastrophe comparable only with starvation or abandonment.
Now, when I travel, kitty doesn't even bat an eyelid, let alone mew in protest. The best I can elicit out of her is a ' DND: Cat Napping..Please let yourself out quietly' look. But when dsk travels, Ging magically metamorphoses into a little demon. It is almost as it the temperamental kitty watches SRK at his destructive best in Devdas to cope with her separation pangs and then meticulously lays the most diabolic plans to shatter the peace and quiet of my days!!! Needless to say, the moggie household is a high stress zone when DSK travels.
As was expected, Ging's behaviour in the wake of DSK's departure converted my normally relaxed Sunday into a highly stressful one. First, there were endless painful games of catch mommy's toes under the cover, which rudely ended all my dreams of a sleep-in.Then, I had to contend with a sulky kitty for the greater part of the day, who kept mooching about and directing violent glares at me...as if I had been instrumental in driving her darling dad away. Unfortunately, as DSK and I did have a scrap last night, I couldn't really fault her for those glares. But hey, in my defense, doesn't the silly cat [and the rest of the world] ever realise that it takes two hands to clap???
Siesta time saw Ging turn into a foul tempered little tigress who stalked me across the length of the bed biting any part of my anatomy that she could dig her fangs into. However, with the setting sun came fresh hope. Ever the optimist, Ms. Devi-das spent a few hours on the gate, and then patrolled the street in the vain hope that her dad would change his mind mid-way and come back home..A dream that fizzled out and brought forth a fresh round of 'mom' attacks!!!
At the moment, Ms. Devidas has captured the bedroom which has the air conditioner on and probably awaits my arrival to launch fresh attacks...Gosh, life as a cat mommy does suck sometimes!!!

In Pursuit of Cool!!

Ok, I have been slacking this past week!!! Not just with my blog, but in all walks of life.
Friends have been wondering if life in the moggie household has come to standstill. Well, it hasn't. But it most definitely has been a lot more lethargic with the onset of summer. Despite having spent most of my growing years in the scorching deserts of the middle east, it still is rather difficult for me to function at full steam when the legendary Chennai heat peaks.
I had often wondered why the more traditional brahmin community lunched at 10 a.m. But after two years in Chennai, I realise that this is a rather sensible lifestyle which is sadly on the wane due to the demands of our modern lifestyle. My take is that an early lunch ensured that all cooking was done with in the wee hours of the morning and that the women were not slaving away in hot stuffy kitchens in the heat of the day. Taking a leaf out of their books, I have been staying out of the kitchen during the day and devoting myself to the search of newer ways of cooling off....frequent showers [ water problems be damned] and squabbles with Ging to corner the coolest spots in the house are the order of the day. I have, even in a moment of heat driven insanity, chopped off my shoulder length tresses, painfully grown over the past 8 months!!!
While I have been occupied in the pursuit of coolness, Ging's recipe to beat the heat has been to nap the day and most of the night away. The only time she deigns to bestir herself is at my meal times, just so that she can inspect the contents of my plate. Sometimes, I wonder why she bothers because she really doesn't want to even sample any of it. For some weird reasons, inhaling what mommy eats seems to send her on some inexplicable high.
Well whatever...Suits me fine because sleeping kitty= less activity = cooler house !!!

Feline Sapiens

“Babes, what the *#@^ is a Feline Sapien? “

One of my buds, obviously well fortified by her morning shot of caffeine, commands my urgent attention on Ychat through a series of rapid fire messages that blink furiously at me in the corner of my screen.

“ummm….Just something I pulled out of thin air…you know how my morning went yesterday, so may I now please refocus on the maid before she decides to shatter my expensive crystal” * scowl*

“Pulled out of thin air??? What on earth do you mean??? ”
“Just something I came up with to describe our family a.k.a DSK, Gingy & Me……I converted the Felis in Felis Catus to Feline and combined it with the Sapiens from Homo Sapiens to derive Felis Sapiens” * big toothy grin*

* gasp* “ well, wipe that smug grin off your mug...I googled and guess what? Feline Sapiens are and I quote “fictional, sentient, humanoid species from the Red Dwarf television series”

* toothy grin goes down a notch* “Oh…err…What is the Red Dwarf ?..”
“ google it babes!!!...Pronto”
With a sigh of exasperation, I reluctantly turn my eyes from my maid on to Feline Sapiens on google, which proves to be rather disappointing. I googled Red Dwarf instead, only to discover that it was a yesteryear science fiction television show with a rather interesting character called Cat who belonged to a species called Felis [ not Feline mind you] Sapiens or the Cat people.I must say the description of cat people on the Red Dwarf site was amusing and not too bad for a science fiction tale.

“ Err hons, the Red Dwarf refers to Felis Sapiens….not FelineSapiens…in any case, does it matter? ”

“ You mean you don’t mind the possibility of being referred to as sentient and a humanoid?” * round eyes*

“ well not really…It kind of describes the way three of us are…I kind of like it, though I will pass on the Sci-Fi froth”

* deep sigh* “U r totally nuts and beyond redemption but I love you anyway”

And then she was gone.
“ Just how do I explain us Felis Sapiens to a regular human being”, I ask a quizzical Ging, who exhales fumes from her smelly breakfast right up my nostrils, making it crystal clear that her pressing concern of the moment was whether to nap right then or after a game of catch.

I thought Feline Sapiens was an apt description of the three of us who are so in and out of each other’s lives and minds that we no longer seem like man or animal to each other. There are times when Ging seems more human than a lot of people we know. And then, there are those moments when DSK or me or sometimes both of us, seem more like cats than people.

I probably would have continued in this vein for some more time if Ging, having made up her mind, had not directed one of her “ Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff, Mommie” looks at me before firmly closing her eyelids. Well, I guess I should thank my stars that at least one of us had our priorities straight this morning!!!